Monday, April 22, 2013

A letter to my daughter

5 years ago today, at almost this exact moment, I was being wheeled into the operating room.  I was scared, nervous, excited and overwhelmed.  The baby that we had spent the last 3 years praying for was about to join us.  I remember laying there, praying for you, for us.  I can still remember being in that room, holding your daddy's hand and then hearing a sound I won't ever forget.  I heard your cry.  My heart exploded, the tears rolled down my cheeks and down your daddy's too.  You were beautiful and healthy and you created a love within me I never knew I could have.

5 years...
How does the time go so fast?
How is it that you are getting ready to start kindergarten?
You are kind, you love helping others and making them feel welcomed
You are smart, you love school,  reading, writing and learning
You are stubborn and independent, you love doing things on your own
You are emotional like your mommy, you cry at movies, or when others are hurt, your heart is HUGE
You are creative, you could dance, sing, write, draw all day and night long
You love mail, you love sending and receiving mail
You are a daddy's girl, you love me, but you have a bond with your daddy that only you 2 understand
You love God, and church and the Bible (I pray you never lose that love for your faith)
You are beautiful, just the way you are, the way God created you.
You are you!
And you are loved!

Your daddy and I often sit and think back to that day 5 years ago. Holding you for the first time, staring at you and beginning in that moment to dream for you.  Today we continue to dream for you and now we are dreaming with you as well.  We pray for you, for your future and where God will take you.  We thank God often for blessing us with you.  You have taught us so much in these past 5 years and I can't wait to see what the future holds as you begin to take on the world.

Our prayer for you is that you will always love God.  We pray the relationship you and Bubs have is one you will always cherish.  He was chosen to be your brother and we pray that you grow up valuing each other, looking out for one another and be each other's biggest cheerleader.  I pray for your future spouse, that he would honor you and adore you just like your daddy adores you.  We pray that you follow your dreams and your heart and always remember who you are and how wonderfully perfect you have been made.

We love you baby girl,
Love mommy

Tuesday, April 09, 2013

I'm struggling

Tonight is one of those nights, I'm discouraged, frustrated, upset and quite frankly just feel like crying? Ever have one of those days?  Because I don't know what else to do, I'll write.

Growing up I was always surrounded by LOTS of friends.  I was a social butterfly, I was gone most nights and I always had someone to hang out.  Fast forward lots of years.  I am at a place where I feel like my friendships have changed so much.  Some of my closest friends live far away and some don't have kids, so it's hard to get together.  The other friends I have made along the way already have great friends of their own.  I often feel like a tag-a-long.

I don't have a friend I physically when I'm upset, or who stops over on a whim just to chat.  I don't do regular "girls" nights and if I did, who would I invite?  I have a few close friends that I text to vent  and that I adore and who get me, but I know they have had CLOSER friends WAY before me, so it's hard to compete (not that I'm trying to, but I understand loyalty also).  But life is busy.  Between work, school, 2 kids, a husband and everything else that comes with the territory I feel like I am missing out on those GOOD QUALITY GIRLFRIEND moments.  I crave those moments.

It has happened, what seems like, often lately.  People I "thought" I was good friends with are getting together with their friends and no invitation comes my way.  Now it's not that I need to be invited to every outing and I definitely don't need to be someone's only friend, but I feel like I try to be inclusive, so why aren't these people.

Yes, I'm being a baby and yes, I'm pouting right now. I'm venting to myself and trying to figure out what I've done wrong along the way.

So how do I change this?  I need girl friends, mom friends, friends I can call and chat with and get lunch with on a Saturday afternoon. I crave this interaction.  But I don't want to just be the friend who gets the pity invite either.

UGH, why does being a woman, mom, wife, "friend" have to be so difficult some days. And yes, today is just one of those days.

Thursday, April 04, 2013

Easter Recap

This past weekend we celebrated Easter.  It was wonderful and weird all at the same time.
We usually do Easter 3 times.  Once with my family, once just the 4 of us, and once with Josh's family.  This year one was missing.  My mom and sister's family were headed to California this year.  It was weird.  It was weird that I didn't see my mom or even hear her voice on Easter.  But I know she was having a great time in Cali with Lindsey and her family.
I  served Saturday night at church by taking pictures of families at the Easter service.
On Sunday we got up and went to church as a family.  Came home to Easter Baskets and eggs in the yards. I LOVE the excitement on our kids faces as they experience the joy of the holidays.  Even more though I love that Mia can tell us the REAL story of Easter.  Of death on a cross, buried in a tomb, and an empty tomb 3 days later because Jesus is Risen and we need to tell the Good News! AHHHH, I love her and I pray that her faith never stops growing!

We went to Josh's families for dinner and it's usually a lot of people, but this year it was just us, his parents, grandparents and my dad :) Yep, we took my dad with us and he had a wonderful time. My kids adore him and although our relationship has been less than stellar my entire life I am loving and appreciating the relationship occurring between my kids and him.  It is something I have been convicted by and realize that unconditional love on my part really can make a world of difference.

So Easter was different, it was a little weird, but it was still WONDERFUL.