Tonight is one of those nights, I'm discouraged, frustrated, upset and quite frankly just feel like crying? Ever have one of those days? Because I don't know what else to do, I'll write.
Growing up I was always surrounded by LOTS of friends. I was a social butterfly, I was gone most nights and I always had someone to hang out. Fast forward lots of years. I am at a place where I feel like my friendships have changed so much. Some of my closest friends live far away and some don't have kids, so it's hard to get together. The other friends I have made along the way already have great friends of their own. I often feel like a tag-a-long.
I don't have a friend I physically when I'm upset, or who stops over on a whim just to chat. I don't do regular "girls" nights and if I did, who would I invite? I have a few close friends that I text to vent and that I adore and who get me, but I know they have had CLOSER friends WAY before me, so it's hard to compete (not that I'm trying to, but I understand loyalty also). But life is busy. Between work, school, 2 kids, a husband and everything else that comes with the territory I feel like I am missing out on those GOOD QUALITY GIRLFRIEND moments. I crave those moments.
It has happened, what seems like, often lately. People I "thought" I was good friends with are getting together with their friends and no invitation comes my way. Now it's not that I need to be invited to every outing and I definitely don't need to be someone's only friend, but I feel like I try to be inclusive, so why aren't these people.
Yes, I'm being a baby and yes, I'm pouting right now. I'm venting to myself and trying to figure out what I've done wrong along the way.
So how do I change this? I need girl friends, mom friends, friends I can call and chat with and get lunch with on a Saturday afternoon. I crave this interaction. But I don't want to just be the friend who gets the pity invite either.
UGH, why does being a woman, mom, wife, "friend" have to be so difficult some days. And yes, today is just one of those days.