Tuesday, April 09, 2013

I'm struggling

Tonight is one of those nights, I'm discouraged, frustrated, upset and quite frankly just feel like crying? Ever have one of those days?  Because I don't know what else to do, I'll write.

Growing up I was always surrounded by LOTS of friends.  I was a social butterfly, I was gone most nights and I always had someone to hang out.  Fast forward lots of years.  I am at a place where I feel like my friendships have changed so much.  Some of my closest friends live far away and some don't have kids, so it's hard to get together.  The other friends I have made along the way already have great friends of their own.  I often feel like a tag-a-long.

I don't have a friend I physically when I'm upset, or who stops over on a whim just to chat.  I don't do regular "girls" nights and if I did, who would I invite?  I have a few close friends that I text to vent  and that I adore and who get me, but I know they have had CLOSER friends WAY before me, so it's hard to compete (not that I'm trying to, but I understand loyalty also).  But life is busy.  Between work, school, 2 kids, a husband and everything else that comes with the territory I feel like I am missing out on those GOOD QUALITY GIRLFRIEND moments.  I crave those moments.

It has happened, what seems like, often lately.  People I "thought" I was good friends with are getting together with their friends and no invitation comes my way.  Now it's not that I need to be invited to every outing and I definitely don't need to be someone's only friend, but I feel like I try to be inclusive, so why aren't these people.

Yes, I'm being a baby and yes, I'm pouting right now. I'm venting to myself and trying to figure out what I've done wrong along the way.

So how do I change this?  I need girl friends, mom friends, friends I can call and chat with and get lunch with on a Saturday afternoon. I crave this interaction.  But I don't want to just be the friend who gets the pity invite either.

UGH, why does being a woman, mom, wife, "friend" have to be so difficult some days. And yes, today is just one of those days.

1 comment:

Alisha said...

I can totally relate. No solutions here--but I get what you're saying! I moved to this area after college and just can't seem to be anyone's go-to gal. Most seem to have "older" friends--from childhood, college, etc. i have friends i go out with, etc, but no "sister-like" friends. I just don't know...hang in there! Maybe when the kids are older?...