Friday, December 24, 2010

Christmas Eve and Tears

So it's Christmas Eve and Josh and I were driving as we started talking about the kids. We chatted about how fast they are growing and how amazing Christmas is going to be with Mia this year as she understands so much more this year. We also started talking about how lazy Roman is...still barely sitting at 7 1/2 months, rolling only if he has to, and generally just being lazy. I told Josh we should enjoy those moments, because one day we will wish he was that little again. And then it happened. I couldn't help, or stop it. The tears came. They filled my eyes and I felt the lump in my throat grow.
Josh and I have talked and we are not 100% sure, but probably more than 50% sure that we are done having children. We are in love with the 2 we have and are so blessed. However, as we talked about our children growing up I couldn't help but feel that twinge of wanting a newborn, not now, but the reality of this being our last Christmas with an infant was hard for me to swallow for a moment.
I will write more later about the "grieving" process I am going through as we decide whether or not we will have any more kids. But for now, I am headed to bed, so that in the morning I can watch the delight on Mia's face as she experiences Christmas and we celebrate the birth of Baby Jesus.

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